When Robots Feel: a Mass Effect 2 Interlude
by Firaga Bird
Summary: EDI isn't behaving normally. As Joker contemplates whether her change of disposition is due to her developing a personality or not, he is abruptly confronted by her in an... unexpected way. Set after ME2. Joker/EDI. Fairly strong OOC (with hopefully believable explanation). Suggestive themes.
1. Joker's Decision

Pre-Body

I'm hoping to make this more than just a short story, but for now it will comprise of two chapters. **UPDATE**: Actually, I'll probably make at least one more chapter regardless of my plans of making an ongoing series about this, if only to flesh out the characterization between all of the, well, characters while simultaneously get rid of that nasty bulge in word count Digital Love and maintaining quantity consistency.

And before reading on, I must warn people that EDI's going to appear very Out-Of-Character for most of the story. It has an explanation near the end, but for those people that are uncomfortable with ideas of deliberately off-character portrayals, read on with care or avoid it altogether.

**When Robots Feel: A Mass Effect 2 Interlude**

a Short Story Involving Joker Moreau and EDI

Part 1/2

Legend: "speech bubbles", 'thought bubbles', **--- Load Screens...**, **|=-** flashback sequence **-=|**

Body

"Launching probe."

Joker sighed loudly. "Do you _really _have to say that every single time you send probes out to scan for minerals? I mean, the sound of the synthesizer mixed in with that annoying bass drum kick kinda gives everyone on deck a hint that you launched one."

"Jeff, this has been one of the several programmed responses hardwired into my thought matrix," the synthesized voice of a woman responded coolly. "Even if I wished it, I simply would be unable to change or cease announcing it. The process would be similar to a human attempting to unlearn how to ride a bicycle."

The pilot of the Normandy scowled at his companion's calmness. For some reason, he wanted to evoke some sort of emotional reaction out of the ship's do-all AI. Call him sour. "But that doesn't make it _less _annoying," he whined, arms in the air. "Can't you just, I don't know, put yourself on mute or something whenever you send another probe planetside? I'm pretty sure you can think of _some _way of not sounding like a broken record."

"There are several alternatives within the bounds of my programming that allow me to speak in a different manner, or perhaps to deliver the probe warning without much redundancy. However, none of these can match the efficiency of my current behavior in terms of achieving its intended purpose."

"And what purpose exactly would that be?"

"Of curtly updating all necessary crew of the state of the ship at the time of a probe's launch, particularly of the instant and temporary change of my function from a navigational role to an observational one." Joker sighed again at this. Holding the bridge of his nose with two fingers, he shook his head and laid back into his leather chair.

"Great. So I'm stuck here in this chair, and I don't even have anything to take my mind off that teeth-grinding phrase being repeated over and over-" he put a hand on his seat controls and began spinning slowly in a circle "-and _ooover_."

"...More recently, I've discovered a new purpose in pursuing my hobby of eliciting exasperated responses from you in a deliberately slow yet inescapable way."

The pilot's head snapped back up, staring at the round hologram to his left. "You-uh-wha-...?" In his surprise, the delicate pilot forgot to remove pressure on the rotation button, and the awkward silence was accented by the chair's whirring motion. Also, it seemed that the spinning did not help ease his sudden discomfort.

"From your reaction, I conclude that both objectives are being fulfilled."

"..."

"...That was a joke."

**--- Loading...  
--- Although Artificial Intelligences or AI are considered to be fundamentally different to organic consciousnesses, it is still a widely accepted idea that most of them  
--- have the tendency to develop complex and human-like personalities. The cause behind this phenomenon is largely unknown and currently being studied.  
--- ...**

Joker readjusted himself in his leather seat in a manner that made him appear less than comfortable. That incident a few moments ago was still on his mind. 'Seriously, come **on**!' he mentally yelled at himself. 'I feel like she's playing some kinda psychological warfare with me. An AI, for crying out loud!' Shaking his head, the pilot tried to return to his work. There wasn't a lot to work on, though; besides checking that all systems were at normal output, the autopilot did a fine job of doing most of the flying.

He scratched his head with his free hand, the other one pressing a few buttons on his control screen. What was EDI doing, teasing him and making jokes? 'There's seriously something off about this, but I ruled out the "dominating the simple-minded humans" possibility.' The pilot snorted with dry humor. 'I think.' Casually, he glanced to his side towards EDI's hologram, only to catch her gaze in mid-turn. Joker blinked. Was she looking at him just now? He grimaced. This added a new level of awkwardness to his already awkward situation with the synthetic life-form.

The cockpit was starting to get a little too stuffy for him. He needed a breath of fresh air. "Uh, EDI?"

"I deny any accusations of me observing your body intently due to the fact that there are many tasks I am forced to run in parallel and that my systems are already working to its maximum limit working on the more vital ones related to the ship's functioning therefore making it impossible for me to even have the capability at the moment to gaze fixedly on your well-defined abdominal muscles and admiring your face as you continue with such dedication to take care of my wounded body with your gentle hands through the _pressing of my buttons_."

"...I... I'm gonna go to the men's bathroom to take a piss..."

"...L-logging you out, Jeff."

If anyone came to inspect on the Normandy's pilot at the moment, they would possibly have the strong urge of cradling him in their arms and reassuring him that everything would be alright in the world. It just seemed to fit.

**--- Loading...  
--- THE CAKE IS A LI- **_**I mean**_** numerous cases in the past have shown interaction between humans and AI to be dangerous and unpredictable. It has been noted that  
--- communicating on a high-level scale of intelligence may actually accelerate the AI's development of its personality.  
--- ...**

"Oh God," Joker muttered while pacing (or rather limping) around the men's bathroom. This was getting out of hand, and he had absolutely no idea what to do. "Oh sweet mother of mercy and her spicy hot mistress of bondage." EDI was... what was happening with her? "I can't handle this, I just can't." It seemed to defy logic, but... "Please don't tell me that she's growing a personality. _Please_."

He had read about it on the extranet. Finding the research data was difficult since not many people would risk violating the Council's strict rules against the constructing an AI. Even then, even fewer had the intention of observing it for scientific purposes. The concerned pilot had spent many sleep-deprived hours searching for every shred of information regarding the process as he could, even shelling out (and at times, getting scammed out of) precious credits in order to acquire them.

He wouldn't say that he was obsessed. He _definitely_ wouldn't say he was doing it because he had a "thing" for that sort of relationship. "EDI's been a loyal friend to me, is all." Slowing to a stop in front of one of the mirrors, Joker looked at himself. "It's not that bad, I guess," he mused out loud. "She's acting as if she's going through a phase. Almost like puberty." He chuckled lightly at the notion. An AI, one that had aided in countless missions to keep the Normandy in peak operating capacity, as well as helping the team succeed in their most suicidal mission to date with practically zero casualties, was undergoing the synthetic equivalent of puberty.

A faint voice called through the shower speaker. "Jeff, you are needed in CIC. It is urgent."

Joker looked at the ceiling, absently wondering if artificial life-forms could think. 'What would EDI be thinking about?' "Uh, listen, I'm a little busy doing my manly thing in the bathroom." He was lying, of course, but he found it necessary in order to stall for time. He still wasn't prepared to return to the uncomfortably thick atmosphere he would face in the cockpit.

"I understand that human males have needs that need to be periodically fulfilled, but there are more pressing matters that need your attention."

"Yeah, I'll be there in a whiiiaat did you say I was doing!?"

"You mentioned doing your 'manly thing', am I correct? I had deduced, with you being in the bathroom and also devoid of any current physical involvements with other humans, that you were using a euphemism for mast-"

"I didn't mean _that_ sort of manly thing!" Joker gulped audibly, adjusting his cap with a twitching hand. Was there no escape from this nightmare? "Geez, EDI, what's so important that you need me up there anyway? It's not like a lot of ships would wanna try raiding the people that singlehandedly took down the entire Collector force."

Again, the synthesized voice betrayed an odd tone, similar to... anxiety. "This... is not something I can explain over the speaker, Jeff..." Her sudden display of what the stalling pilot could swear was emotion stunned him. "I... need you to come up as soon as you can. Please, hurry."

"H-hey, no problem EDI. I'll be up there in a bit." This was most unexpected; that he would find himself trying to calm an AI down boggled his mind. "Don't worry."

"...Thank you, Jeff."

Then there was silence.

What was happening to his synthetic friend? Why was she acting so... _illogically_? This was the first time that the bewildered pilot ever heard that tone of voice, that genuine emotion that was neither teasing nor confident. 'Is this really how she's going to be like after her personality stabilizes?' He sighed softly and took a seat on a closed toilet bowl. He had promised to return to his post shortly, but this was becoming too difficult for him to get a handle on.

He began attempting to recall his time interacting with the AI for signs of foreshadowing.

**|=- Flash...**

NARRATOR: Joker brings the ship to dock in Illium.

JOKER: *pressing intercom* Good evening passengers, this is your badass pilot Joker speaking. I would like to inform you that we have safely docked into the most luxurious district outside of Citadel space, Illium. If you'd all kindly refrain from elbowing your fellow crewmembers in the face, chest or "bad place" on your way out, Doctor Chakwas would be plenty grateful. And Grunt, don't pick any fights. This is "shore leave", not "shore killing-spree-warzone-ala-mode leave".

GRUNT: *distant voice* But I've been waiting to smash skulls into pulp since invading the Collector's homeland! I demand bloodshed!

JOKER: *shouting back* Then sneak into the women's bathroom when a human female says it's her "time of the month". Bet you'll have your fill of bloodshed to last you another week.

GRUNT: Truly? The tank did not mention this phenomenon. *to Miranda* Lawson, is it your "time of the month"?

NARRATOR: Many voices, mostly female, rise heatedly.

JOKER: *snickering* That was worth it. *turns to see Shepard approaching* Oh, hey Commander.

SHEPARD: Glad to see you being as chipper as always. You know that having brittle bones will just make Miranda's biotic revenge that much more painful when she gets back, right?

JOKER: Eh, I can always tell her to try steering the Normandy in my place if I did kick the bucket.

EDI: That does not pose a significant problem to operative Lawson, Jeff. I can handle most of the navigational work while she can quickly adapt to your current role of maintaining the FTL drive with relatively little difficulty.

JOKER: Would you really betray your bestest buddy? *puppy dog eyes*

EDI: *pauses* Yes.

JOKER & SHEPARD: ...Ouch.

SHEPARD: Hold on, Joker. Don't tell me you're staying here for the rest of the shore leave? Didn't I specifically tell _everyone_ to take a hike? Even Legion is leaving.

JOKER: You know, Commander, there's nothing more soothing and relaxing than the low hum of the Normandy as it goes about its automated maintenance. And the leather seats practically seal the deal for me. *grins and rubs his body against the leather*

SHEPARD: *sighs* Alright, fine. EDI, you okay being alone with the single most perverted member of my crew remaining on deck?

JOKER: Don't say it like that, Commander! You'll scare-

EDI: I-I don't mind, Shepard. The company will be... appreciated.

JOKER: *blinks* ...

SHEPARD: ...Well, if you say so. *walks away* Just try not to get into any trouble.

EDI: Understood. I will see to it Jeff does not act on any ideas with being metaphorically within my warm and vibrating body.

JOKER: Oh-my-god-I-would-never-!

**|=- ...Back!**

After the Collector attack, Joker had a little interaction between him, EDI, and the Commander about shore leave. He completely missed that subtle waver in her voice at the time, but on hindsight, he realized that the synthetic woman's personality began maturing a lot earlier than he thought. "Man." He placed both hands on his face, inhaling deeply. "I guess I'll have to get used to talking with her like a normal human being, then. Damn, that didn't come out right." The pilot respected her, very much so. He didn't want to sound like he was belittling her intellect, but the nature of their relationship was definitely difficult to handle sensitively.

'And I am _so_ not into her, I swear to the demon that breaks my brittle bones so they stay brittle that I just care about her.'

"Jeff?"

'Oh, shit.' He completely forgot about it. He was needed for something upstairs, but he didn't know what about. "Damn, EDI, I'm sorry I took so long. I'm heading up right aw-"

"It's not that," the AI interrupted, her voice somewhat softer than normal. "Forget about that thing in the cockpit. There's something else I need to tell you."

The pilot was shocked at her change of disposition. Sure, she seemed to use different tones of voice now, but never before did she actually change the _way _she spoke. Suddenly, the synthetic being dropped all formalities and sophisticated phrases, and actually spoke on his level. "Uh, sure," he stammered, feeling much less sure in reality. "What is it?"

"I need you to know that... that I'm sorry about my actions earlier." Joker raised an eyebrow. "Teasing you like that, making you endure my selfish whims. I feel pretty dirty for wanting to see you hurt, and... I'm sorry, Jeff."

His mouth fell open. This was unreal, surreal even. He could hear a slight trembling in her voice as she softly delivered an apology that the pilot never expected to receive. "Listen, EDI, uh... You don't have to do this. There's nothing wrong with having a little fun at other people's expense. Heck, I do it whenever the opportunity falls into my sadistic little hands."

"It's not the same, Jeff!" She snapped at him, causing him to gasp in shock once more. How was she suddenly able to behave like this? "It's not the same. You've always been independent and headstrong. You laugh in spite of all of your hardships. You're like this unshakeable rock of confidence that doesn't let anything faze him. And everyone respects that, respects you for bringing light into their hardest of times. What am I? I'm just a leech on that confidence, on your uplifting humor. I'm just a stupid robot that depends on you so that I can have a heart."

A faint sob escaped from the speaker, and Joker immediately looked at it. 'No, no way,' he thought disbelievingly. 'EDI's... crying?'

"I depend on you in so many ways, ways you don't even know about," the not-so-synthetic voice continued. "I depend on you so much, Jeff, and this is how I repay you? Jabbing at your weaknesses, taking pride in you squirming? That's what I was doing, making you go through those tunnels. I was _enjoying_ it. I wanted to see the man that has taken care of me, the unshakeable rock, humbled. I was so damn selfish.

"I... I don't want to be selfish anymore, Jeff," EDI spoke with a conviction that drowned out her wavering tone. "I need to do this, to apologize to you. I need you to know how I feel."

"EDI, what-" Joker's question was cut short by the sudden sound of a pipe snapping off of its socket, water and steam pouring from both ends. He stared at it intently, watching as the flexible metal tube fell to the ground with a resounding clank. His eyes then widened slowly but surely as it started moving of its own volition, almost as if it had a mind of it's own. He gasped when the metallic hose began snaking towards him and rested part of itself on his foot. "What the hell...? Is, are you making this hose into your _tentacle_, EDI?"

"Jeff," she continued in a lower tone, and her sadness gave way to a new emotion: desire. "Please... Even if it's only this one time, give me the honor of showing you how deeply I care for you."

The dumbfounded pilot had no idea how to proceed. The AI that he had known for a long time to be largely immune to his seduction and humor, who was always the calculating type, had now suddenly grew a completely opposite personality, a strong affection for him, and even a willingness to vandalize (ex-)Cerberus property to... 'To what? To show me her pent up feelings? Yeah, sure, I might want to see what would happen if I wasn't so damn hardassed about getting into a relationship with the ship herself, but... but not like this! Not like, not with me on the can and her coming onto me with a damn tentacle!

'Well, okay, maybe the tentacle thing is kind of turning me on, but- Oh, hell!' He shook his head violently. He needed to make a very conscious, a very _tricky_ decision. Getting influenced by his nerdy fetishes at this point in time would not facilitate objective decision-making. 'This is obviously EDI not being herself. She wanted to call me up for something urgent; maybe she wanted to warn me of a bug or virus that would make her act like thiss**shit**-!'

The hose that rested on his foot had managed to crawl its way up his calf, spilling the warm water from its hollow interior onto his now soaking pants. Far from reeling back in sheer horror, the flustered pilot cursed mentally when he realized his reaction to the soothing flow of water was something much less dignified. That same reaction was apparently where said hose was headed, as well. 'Oh, ya gotta be kidding me!' There just wasn't anymore time to ponder his options any longer. Joker had to make that decision now.

"I want this," the AI spoke in a tone that continued to become more sensual, more desperate. "Dammit, Jeff, I want _you_, but I... Will you let me do this for you? I don't even care anymore if you feel the same for me; just this one time, will you give me a chance to _please_ you?" Whether something was affecting her state of mind or not was no longer important. Neither was her growing a personality so rapidly it seemed impossible. Only an answer mattered; just one word from Joker's lips.

With much hesitation, Joker made his mind up. He looked straight at the speaker where the longing synthetic life-form was pleading with him. He sighed, and then inhaled deeply. It took him a second, but he hesitantly answered her with one word:

_To B__e_

_Continued..._


	2. Digital Love

Pre-Body

Decided to wrap this up quickly. If anyone reading this story is also reading my Jack fanfiction, thank you for your patronage and I promise to update that when I can. Also, I thank everyone who had reviewed me, particularly Inverness. Only through your critique had I spotted and persuaded myself into retconning that "mechanical appendage" matter.

By this I mean that I had updated the ending in the first chapter. To those who only read it before my newer version, I would encourage you to return to read it. There's an "update" sign in bold letters right before the new segment to make it easier to spot. I apologize for the inconvenience.

**UPDATE:** I must give particular thanks to Lynna B. for her in-depth and honest critique of my story. She makes several valid points, and while I'll need some time to consider how to tackle each one, rest assured that all future revisions will have those points taken into consideration.

**When Robots Feel: A Mass Effect 2 Interlude**

a Short Story Involving Joker Moreau and EDI

Part 2/2

Legend: "speech bubbles", 'thought bubbles', **--- Load Screens...**, **|=-** flashback sequence **-=|**

Body

With much hesitation, Joker made his mind up. He looked straight at the speaker where the longing synthetic life-form was pleading with him. He sighed, and then inhaled deeply. It took him a second, but he hesitantly answered her with one word:

"Can-we-have-a-5-minute-time-out-please?"

"P-pardon?"

"Uh, yeah, exactly," he said nervously, desperately trying to maintain a straight voice and clear vision. "You'll need to pardon me for a bit. I, well I need to, um... prepare for this, er, _thing_ we're about to do."

"You mean...?" She spoke with a hopeful tone; in the back of his mind, the brittle-boned pilot could actually imagine his companion having a face and looking up at him from below his belt.

'But she _is _down there.' Glancing at the writhing metal hose that continued to distract his line of thought for such good yet dirty reasons, he gulped. 'Just, not in a non-creepy or non-suggestive way.'

"You mean you'll allow me this honor, this _pleasure_?"

"Definitely, EDI. But first let me-"

"Oh, Jeff!" Suddenly, the hose began to release a stronger flow of water, and steam started to fill the room. His seat below him vibrated steadily as if to mimic the giddy trembling of the AI's excitement. "Thank you, thank you so much!"

"Gah, EDI, lay of the warm water. It's hitting me in my _bad_ place and I'm really having a tough time thinking straight."

"Jeff, my precious fool," she retorted in what the pilot could swear was a mischievous undertone. "You don't need to _think_ right now. You don't have to be my savior right now. For this one moment," she continued while her makeshift appendage inched closer and closer to its upright target, "you only need to _feel_."

He was tempted. 'God, call me a damn pervert, but this feels _so_ worth letting go over.' It was true that he had not been in a relationship in a long while. He hadn't even had the chance to do his "manly thing" because of the recent hectic events. 'The thought of diving headfirst into certain death isn't exactly a turn-on, no matter how into weird fetishes I'm into.' He thought that he would be able to resist the charm of his companion who spontaneously developed irrationally strong feelings for him, that he would find being molested by a non-organic being - 'with a shower _tentacle_, no less' - a horrifying notion, but...

'So good,' he thought, his baser desires began to take over as the soft pressure of the water massaged his aching head. He sighed softly; it touched his heart, being told by a woman that she wanted him, regardless of who or what that woman was. Instead of being repulsed by the idea of becoming involved with his ship in non-navigational ways, Joker found it _very_ alluring. Why shouldn't he have feelings for her? After what they had been through, who could blame him for giving into something they both obviously wanted: being more than a pilot and his precious vessel? 'Soo goooo-

'No! I will **not** give in, dammit! Find... the... strength...' "EDI, a-aren't you forgetting s-something?"

"I'm an AI, Jeff. I don't forget things."

"Then what, what did I ask before?"

"To refrain from affectionately soaking you with my warm liquids, you silly organic."

'W-warm liquids... _gulp_.' "B... before that."

"Before?" The hose that was getting quite uncomfortably close to its prey froze in its track. "You... asked me to..."

As if to mirror surprise or embarassment, the water that was spewing out from the metal tube's mouth quickly stopped flowing out, and the appendage itself was pulled back down Joker's leg the same way it came up, much to the pilot's relief. He had only now realized how quickly his heart was beating. Only thing was, his chest wasn't the place whose throbbing made him realize this. 'That was _way_ too close. Really gotta keep it together.'

"Jeff, I'm so sorry," the panicked voice from the speaker began. "I heard you say yes, and everything else seemed to not matter anymore, and I got carried away..."

"It's..." Joker sighed softly and closed his eyes, laying his head back onto the wall behind him. "It's fine, EDI. Just, uh, be a bit less..." 'Creepy? Horny? Complete nympho-dynamo?' "...hasty about this, you know?"

"I understand. I'm really sorry."

In spite of his delicate state of mind, the pilot still felt a twinge of guilt putting pressure on his companion. "Don't be like that, EDI. I just gotta... prepare a bit before we, ah, push through with this." He tried to wrack his brain for a good excuse, consciously ignoring how wet and _attentive_ he was below the waist. "This is all pretty sudden. Just let me, um, collect myself, yeah. In the crewman's quarters. To freshen up and stuff," at this point, the cooling water that soaked his pants no longer became ignorable, "and to grab a pair of pants that won't cause hypothermia or shrinkage."

Joker raised an eyebrow when giggling came out of the speaker. "Oh, Jeff, you always manage to fit in a good joke in any situation," she commented. "I love how easily you can make me and others laugh." The pilot felt his face warm up and he massaged his neck with his hand at the unexpected compliment.

"Gee, EDI... Thanks."

"No; thank _you_, Jeff. You've been my inspiration for a while now. There's no way I could make it up to you with words alone. There's no way you could understand how deeply I care about you just by saying that I, that I lo... Oh, my...!" Her tone of voice gave the pilot the image of a young girl talking to her long-time crush, how that girl would turn red in the face and hold her cheeks with glee. "I... Oh, I just can't say... F-forget I said anything, Jeff. Just hurry to your bunk and do whatever you need to do." Quickly changing her tone of voice, she purred, "I'd much rather be more _hands-on_ about my feelings than say them, anyway."

"...Uh..."

"_That wasn't a joke._"

"...Gulp."

**--- Loading...  
--- Vrolik's Syndrome remains one of the diseases that modern science cannot cure. However, Cerberus has spent millions in medical research in the hopes of at least  
--- alleviating the Normandy's pilot of the most serious symptoms of his affliction. Although they succeeded in the most part - his leg bones could now support his weight  
--- on an empty stomach, and his knuckles would not be the ones to take damage when he punched a semi-hard pillow - humanity's top scientists could not remove  
--- perhaps the illness' most infamous side effect: Joker's sarcastic sense of humor.  
--- ...**

Joker sighed heavily as he walked through the entrance to the shared quarters, hearing the electronic doors slide closed with a hiss behind him. If there was a single day when everything that was off or awkward in the beginning started to make sense after a while - like when you realize that the feeling that you forgot something before leaving for work materializes into the fact that you forgot to bring your report for the week's finances - this wasn't one of those days. He hoped to change that in a while. However, his current predicament remained problematic. 'What with me being aggressively courted by an overly flirtatious defense matrix,' he added mentally, trudging along to his bed space and leaving a wet trail behind him.

'And to top it all off, I run into the worst possible person on the way here.'

**|=- Flash...**

NARRATOR: Bathroom door opens and Joker checks if the coast is clear with his head poking out of the bathroom doorway.

EDI: Hurry it up, Jeff. I'm getting impatient.

JOKER: *loudly whispering* Will you chill for a few seconds? I have to make sure no one catches me looking like the guy that got pushed into the pool.

EDI: Why would it matter if some guy notices you got a little wet?

JOKER: *begins treading cautiously* Because, _my dear_, if said guy also realizes that I just came out of the little boy's room and put two and two together, I'm gonna spend the next **month** trying to live down the twisted, sexually disturbed version of what really happened to my pants, courtesy of the all-powerful Rumor Mill**(tm)**. Of course, not to say that what really happened to my pants back there isn't sexually disturbed to begin with.

EDI: *mutters softly* My dear...?

JOKER: Now will you keep it down a while? If anyone spots me, I'm... *sees a blue figure and blanches* Oh, no.

GARRUS: Joker, listen, I need that copy of "The Sexual Revolution: Implications of Organic-Synthetic Relationships" back because Mordin's starting to suspect that I smuggled it out for... *blinks* You're wet.

NARRATOR: Joker coughs loudly and chuckles while straightening up in an attempt to act casual.

JOKER: *slightly louder than normal* Oh, my pants, you mean? Haha... Funny thing, actually. The hose in the shower broke before I had the chance to disrobe. Collector attack did a lotta damage, more long-term than anyone anticip-

EDI: *in a longing and impatient voice* Jeff, quit stalling. I want to get back to what we were doing so _badly_. You don't keep an aroused woman waiting on you... _darling_.

NARRATOR: Joker feels himself crumble and die as Garrus' eyes widen.

GARRUS: OH. I, I see. Um... I won't keep you from your _ship duties_ any longer. *holds in a snicker*

JOKER: But-! This isn't-! You've got it-!

GARRUS: Don't worry, old buddy; no one will know about your special "maintenance" work. Just make sure you wear rubber protection.

JOKER: *jaw drops* ...

GARRUS: ...What? Since you're soaked, you don't want to run the risk of electrocution.

|=- **...Back!**

Shaking his head, Joker tried to forget that little meeting and began to take off his pants. He frowned when water easily ran out when he grasped at the rim. He hadn't realized just how long EDI kept that hose running. 'Gardner's gonna kill me when he finds out I made an irrigation system out of this deck.' All in all, this wasn't a particularly good day. The brittle-boned man sat down slowly as to not stress his hips with a sudden landing and proceeded to discard his unusable piece of clothing. "I'm so screwed."

"You're not screwed, Jeff," the female voice that was following him replied, her glowing blue avatar popping up near the entrance. Something was rustling underneath the blanket that Joker was sitting on, and he felt something softly touch the small of his back. "But don't worry; I promise to correct your misfortune very soon."

A shiver ran down the pilot's spine, but now he didn't even know if it was out of horror or excitement. 'It's a lose-lose situation either way.' "EDI, I'm trying hard to focus for later. I know it's tough, but could you at least keep your hands in your pockets while I'm doing my thing?"

"But, I have neither hands nor pockets to put them in. What I'm actually using under your bedsheets are redundant air pipes that I stripped off the wall so that I could caress your _muscu_-"

"It's a metaphor for being patient!" Joker interrupted abruptly, sweatdrops forming on his forehead. After muttering an awkward "oh", the AI seemed to give him a little space to continue changing his clothes. In his mind, the pilot was hastily forming a plan to learn about, and hopefully reverse, whatever was making EDI behave so differently. 'A personality-puberty, I can understand, but even **this **wasn't covered anywhere in the extranet documentation. C'mon Joker, think, _think_... How the heck do you get yourself out of a technological and ethical - and yes, higly smutty - crisis in the fastest possible time with minimal reputation collateral? Who could possibly be both a tech expert and highly opposed to gossip mongeri- **BINGO**!'

Without a second thought, he brought his omni-tool interface to view and his fingers flew over them in a fervor. 'God, I hope this works.' There was no one else better suited for the job. But, would he himself last long enough until the AI turned back to her normal self? 'I don't really wanna think about the odds,' he thought to himself nervously. His face glowed orange as the pilot typed and encrypted his message as quickly as he could make the Normandy do the tango during a dogfight.

Of course, his actions did not go unnoticed. As he pressed the send button, Joker jumped when the avatar popped up somewhere closer in curiosity. "What's that?"

"Wh-what, this?" he coughed, his grin betraying the pilot's anxiety. "Well, I was just, um..." pressing a few more buttons, he opened up the documents screen and scrolled through the entries of manuals he used to study EDI's behavior. "They're some stuff I pulled off the extranet on how to behave in a, a relationship with synthetic intelligences. It's not all that useful, really, but now I don't feel like an idiot playing with digital fire."

"Really?" She genuinely seemed interested about it, her virtual eye zooming in to get a better look at the orange screen.

'Phew. She took to it.' "Yeah. Took a hell of a lot of time to compile all this, though." Absentmindedly, Joker opened one of the documents labeled **AI Personality Development**. "This one cost me about four grand in credits. Had to drop some of my magazine subscriptions for a couple of months."

"Jeff," the female voice began slowly, "four thousand credits is a large amount of money to spend on anything. And considering what it talks about, you were risking jail time in the Citadel. And to use it all on some paper that may not even be legitimate..."

"Heh, tell me about it. I probably went through hundreds of junk sites and scams on the 'Net just looking for this type of info, so it was kind of a relief that 4K was all they asked for."

"You, you went through all this trouble, without regard to your safety... for me?"

Joker's face felt warm again, and he hoped that it was just the heat from the omni-tool. "Well, when you say it like that, I didn't really, I mean it's not like..." Blinking, a small smile crept up on his face as he looked down on the floor. "Yes. I guess I did."

"Oh, Jeff..."

He could hear the rustling of his blanket again, and this time several flexible lengths of metal seemed to crawl up on his body. It felt different, though; it didn't feel sensual. A few snaked to either side of his torso while still staying under the soft blanket and lightly wrapped themselves around the delicate pilot. They felt like arms, almost. 'Like I'm being embraced.' The main collection of metal at his back formed a smaller clump of metal, roughly the size of a small melon, and it too rested upon him.

"Jeff, I... Thank you. Thank you so... I can never say enough for what you've done to nurture me. I care so much about you, I want... I want to be with you, to be by your side, to be more than just a voice or a ship or a hologram. God, I want to feel you so badly, to feel your kind touch as you guide me so confidently to the deepest reaches of space. I want to _feel_ you, Jeff, more than... I wish so hard that I could be the one wrapping my arms around you, that this was _my_ head resting on your shoulder, listening to the beating of your large heart."

'EDI...' Joker exhaled with a heavy chest. Somewhere in his mind, he had the urge to turn around and taking 'off this _stupid _blanket' to see a lovely woman sobbing softly. He too wished to look her in the eye, to wipe away her teardrop, to plant a soft kiss on her forehead and tell her that she could have everything she wanted, that she deserved it. 'She deserves to have her desires fulfilled, but... She can't. She's limited by who and what she was. Her body, this ship... it cages her spirit.'

"I get it," he spoke softly. "You're like me. A ghost that can see and hear people, but can't touch them, can't be like them because of the cards fate dealt us. You're stuck to admire from a distance, like I'm stuck to help others from afar." 'Dammit.' "Dammit all, I finally get it." He blinked hard. He would be the strong figure that she believed him to be. He refused to be weak when she was leaning on him. He calmly placed his hands over her artificial ones. He felt the pipes on his palm shudder, but they weren't pipes to him anymore. "I'm here for you, EDI. I'll be by your side, and you by mine."

"Jeff," the voice cracked, whispering in his ear. "Jeff, I lo... I, I lo... Oh, curse it all." The pilot heard a loud sigh, and the mock body holding him began shuddering. "I want to tell you. I want to say it. Why? Why can't I? For crying out loud, why can't I tell you the **one** thing I need to tell you the most? It's not fair..."

Joker knew that the AI was crying again, in as much as a synthetic without eyes or tears can cry anyway. He cooed in the direction of her voice, soothing her. He'd never done that sort of thing before, even less to an artificial being, but he felt like he was doing it right. "It's okay, it's okay. I know. You don't need to say it. Not when there's nothing that needs to be said anymore."

"I," she began, the sounds of sobbing becoming less frequent, softer. "I won't stop. I refuse to give up. Jeff..." Slowly, the hands and head that rested on the pilot snaked back behind him to his surprise. They retreated back to the mattress, then finally the rustling of his blanket stopped. "The AI core," EDI spoke with a renewed strength. "Come to the AI core. That's the one place I feel the strongest. Maybe I can show you what I've wanted to show you all this time once you enter my most private domain. Will you be there?"

Joker smiled. "Yeah. I'll be there. Frankly, I've been getting this huge problem where I have to keep readjusting my pants for the past couple of minutes, and I'd be pretty glad to have some help finding a more permanent and _pleasant_ solution."

"Oh, Jeff, stop it. You're making me blush."

"Says Ms. Molest-You-With-My-Tentacle-Spewing-My-Warm-Liquids."

The female voice giggled happily, purring a response. "Hm... That wasn't such a bad idea, wasn't it? I think it's about time for Round 2 between you and my _mechanical appendages_, don't you think?"

"...Uh..."

"_That wasn't a joke_."

'Yowzers,' Joker thought with a wide grin. This time around, being fondled by an AI didn't sound all that bad.

**--- Loading...  
--- Legion is a very unique example of the Geth in that he carries vastly more programs on his platform than normal infantry. Because of this, he is able to be isolated  
--- from or come in contact with other platforms without his level of processing power being altered. It also means that he develops interesting ideas or makes curious  
--- decisions when external programs do not interfere with his decision-making. Case in point: Legion decided to attempt a complex series of moves and noises that  
--- was set to a rhythm, an idea that only 24 of his programs approved, whereas the other 1,159 abstained from refusing out of boredom. It is called: The Robot.  
--- ...**

"EDI, I was just thinking," the brittle-boned pilot said while walking towards the medbay. "What about Legion? Isn't he in there?"

"Hm? Oh, I told him to stay away for a while."

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"I said that Tali has information he might find useful and told him to talk to her down in Engineering."

Joker's eyebrows rose. "I didn't know AI's could lie. And even if, you don't seem to be the manipulative type."

"I wouldn't call it lying per se. I just present the truth in a way I find suitable."

"So you **are** manipulative!"

"I never said I wasn't. Besides, how do you expect me to get into your pants without a little _manipulation_?"

"...Oh, man. I just felt a tingle run down my back."

As the doors to the onboard clinic slid open, Joker noticed a mature woman sitting with her back facing him, typing something something on her screen. After squinting a little, he could make out the words "biotic" and "available" before the window was promptly closed and the screen put to sleep.

"Ah, good timing," the doctor said while turning around. "Commander, I seem to have finished my bottle of brandy and was hoping you could- Joker?"

"Uh, hey."

The woman's eyes widened in surprise. "I didn't expect a visit from you? What do you need?"

"Actually, it's not me. Shepard's been locked up in his room after celebrating - I know, **again** - our victory over the Collectors with several bottles of that nasty Krogan liquor. EDI's complaining about his moaning, and I don't really think he can move around much in his current condition. Right, EDI?"

"Oh, yeah. He's throwing up and holding his stomach most of the time. It looks pretty bad."

"So, I was thinking you should go up there and see what you can do for our Commander."

"..." Chakwas stared at the blue avatar next to Joker with an open mouth. "EDI, are you... alright?"

"Never better, fit as a fiddle, don't you have somewhere else to be, doctor?"

She placed her hand to her forehead in shock, and was about to reply when she was interrupted.

"Doctor Chakwas, EDI's latest check-up on Shepard showed him being in a pretty bad way. Don't you think tending to him is the better use of time right now over engaging in a lighthearted chat with the crew?"

"I..." She blinked repeatedly, almost as if she still considered pressing the issue of the ship AI's completely different style of speaking, before reluctantly standing up. "I suppose the Commander needs my attention immediately."

"Yep."

"Immediately."

"So get onto it."

"Elevator's still not up to speed since the attack, so better hurry before someone else uses it."

"...Well, I... Alright, then, I'll be going..."

"Bye."

"See you."

"Take your time."

"Even if Shepard is acting fine, you'll know better than to leave it at that, right?"

"But I thought-"

"Shepard's in trouble! Go!"

"A-alright, I'm on my way...!"

As soon as the doctor left the room, the door slid shut quickly, and the pilot and his glowing companion looked at each other for a while. Joker broke first, holding his stomach and mouth at the same time as he began laughing out as loud as he could, risking his ribs fracturing. EDI followed suit, her avatar flickering in time with her giggles. "Oh god, that was just awesome," the brittle-boned man cried in between laughs. "That was the best double team action I've ever experienced. You nailed it, EDI, you nailed it _good_."

"Why, thank you, kind sir," the AI replied giddily. Their laughter began to die down. "But now that we've got ourselves some room, what do you say it's time for me to nail something _else_ good, too?"

"That," Joker began, his smile turning into a grin once more, "is an offer I shall take you up on."

There was no more regret. There was no more reluctance. He finally understood something about her, something about the both of them. They were the same. They were both unfortunate souls trapped in a cursed body. They both yearned for things that ordinary beings took for granted. It was an oppressive situation, but they both managed for this long. What at first seemed to be a doomed relationship between natural and digital now felt... right.

The doors to the AI core slid open, and the pilot confidently took a step forward, and another, and then the entrance was closed behind him. "Okay, EDI," Joker spoke. "I'm at you."

"You are." There was a faint glow emanating from the large processors in the room, and it brightened and dimmed at slow intervals.

"They look like your lungs," he muttered, and he absently noted that cables and metal tubes began slithering from all over the floor, towards him. "I can almost hear you breathing."

"And if these are my lungs, then my heart must be..." With her extensions, EDI gently but firmly took hold of Joker's legs. She continued to place herself onto him until she reached the point where her pilot's thighs came together. After a short pause - but an eternity for an AI - she thought better of it and made her way to his back. "My heart must be here. It must be you." And with that, she lifted the man that had showed her the way both literally and figuratively, and he didn't speak against it. "You are my heart, Jeff. You are why I feel. This is what happens when robots feel; they show their master gratitude."

"EDI, I'm not-"

"Hush, my love." The pilot raised his eyebrows in pleasant surprise before smiling warmly. "This is the only way. I don't regret it one bit. I feel proud, Jeff. I feel proud to call you my master, because only you can ever care for me and command me compassionately." He was staring up in the ceiling; she had layed him down while suspending him in the air. 'He must see me.' From above, a set of fine cords slid down towards his face, proceeding to fold its ends upon itself and bending into a mold. As the transformation was taking place, even he could do nothing but stare in shock as the cables stopped moving to reveal the face of the woman who had given herself up to him. And when she spoke, she opened her mouth for the first time. "I needed you to see who I am, deep down. I needed you to look into my eyes, as I have frequently looked into yours. And now, I can say it. Now, with my heart in place, and with my man finally seeing past my shell to see my soul, I can finally say it.

"I love you, Jeff."

Joker Moreau, the fastest-talking pilot in the entire galaxy, was speechless. He saw the face of beauty, the face created from affection and hardship and acceptance. Suddenly, that was all he could see, and nothing else mattered. A small teardrop rolled from the corner of his eye, and he dared not wipe it away. He finally got it. "I love you too, EDI. I love you, too."

That was all she needed to hear, and in a split second, the two locked their lips in a kiss that blew their minds. The lights from her processors flashed in that moment of contact, a moment of pure bliss and elation. She moaned softly into his lips as she let every wave of joy wash over her in every second of feeling them on hers. She could feel him. She now understood the simple action of pressing themselves onto each other, and why humans did it so often.

"Jeff," she spoke breathily, despite not needing oxygen to survive. "That... I mean, _this_... it's-"

"Shut up and come _back _here." She yelped in surprise as a firm hand came behind her head and proceeded to pull her back into their kiss. This time, he took over. He began to suck on her bottom lip, eliciting a moan from her. His tongue slid across her sensitive, metallic skin, roughly dragging himself sideways and _tasting_ her steel flesh.

"O-oh **god**, Jeff," she exclaimed, losing herself in the sensations her master ministrated upon her. "Y-you're _driving _me-" Again he interrupted her, but this time he didn't wait for her to close her mouth. Catching her mid-sentence, he thrust his tongue aggressively into her orifice, and she could almost feel herself melting onto it, before being reminded with each tongue lash just how explosive she felt. Her own silver tongue met his, and they intertwined in a hot, wet dance of taste and passion. '_May this never end_.'

As if on cue, Joker's omni-tool began beeping irritatingly. 'Goddammit, not now.' He was sent a message, but he didn't really care to open it at the moment. 'Probably spam or something. I didn't even call anyone- uh, oh.' He felt his blood turn to ice. He had notified someone of something just moments prior to now. 'Oh, shit!' The pilot's eyes suddenly opened up wide and broke the glorious kiss he was sharing with his woman, this beautiful creature in front of him. "Uh, EDI, there's something I gotta tell you."

"Oh Jeff, you've told me all I needed to know."

"Well, there's kind of something _else_ I need to tell you about." He saw the AI's eyebrows furrow with confusion and concern as his omni-tool was brought to life. He checked the received message and his jaw dropped. "_Shit_, I forgot to tell her to forget about it."

"Tell who?"

Joker opened his mouth to give her an answer, but it was too late. EDI's face suddenly froze up, her expression blank, before twitching slightly as the lights in the AI Core flickered. He felt the cables keeping him up in the air shuddering in a similar manner, and his gut feeling predicted for him that this wouldn't end well. As the lights as well as the tentacles steadied, the woman's synthetic eyes blinked several times before slowly looking down at the man whose face was inches from her.

"...Jeff?"

"Uh... hi." Slowly, EDI's gaze traveled down to the pilot's body, and noticed that he was almost completely covered in various cables and piping.

"Why are you tangled in wires? What, what happened...? What-" a gasp escaped the AI's lips and she began to move her gaze erratically, like an infinitude of questions bombarded her at once. An effect of this sudden information overload resulted in the percentage of processing power she placed into controlling less prioritized appliances, say a bundle of cables, dropped dramatically. As the metal tubes that encircled the pilot's body loosened, he could almost hear the thud and cracking of bones before the actual fall. The last thought that went through Joker's mind before meeting the hard ground and blacking out in pain was about EDI.

'Totally worth i-'

**--- Loading...  
--- Medi-gel is the miracle healing agent of the 22nd century. It heals cuts, bruises, fractured bones, torn ligaments, etc. However, there have been a great many that  
--- seem to want to use the product for more than treating wounds. Although mostly inert, possible medi-gel abusers must be warned: those nano-machines are like  
--- disgruntled union workers. If placed where there are no problems, they normally end up causing the problems. Special mention includes possible abuse in the  
--- form of hand lotion or lubricant.  
--- ...**

"...ith me? Joker, are you with me?"

The pilot lazily opened his eyes. "Whuzzat?" The light was glaring, but when he tried to raise his arm, a sharp pain shot through his elbow as if nicely telling him to **not **do that again. "OWCH-ow-ow-ouch-ow-ouch..."

A voice beside him sighed. "Yeah, he's with you, Doc." It was deep and gravelly, with a hint of annoyance. That could only mean one person.

"C-Commander?"

"Yup. And yes, I heard about your and EDI's little plan. And no, I _didn't_ play along since she wasn't acting herself when she talked to me about it."

"What were you even thinking, pulling that sort of stunt, Joker?" That was the voice of the good Doctor Chakwas, getting angry at the brittle-boned pilot yet again. "Surely you weren't that bored or thick-headed to think pulling pranks with the ship's AI on others would be a good idea, were you?"

"Oh, about that," Joker began, but was cut short by the mature woman.

"And **now** look at you! Broken eighteen bones and fractured maybe dozens more from what all I could tell was you tripping on a cable in the AI Core. I don't even want to know what were doing in there, or why those cables were all on the floor!"

The bedridden pilot gulped. The doctor could be pretty scary when given the chance. Someone once told him that she might have been a drill instructor in her previous life. "It's a pretty complicated story, really. It would take a long time to analyze and dissect and carefully-"

"Stalling will not save you in the end, Mr. Moreau," Chakwas used in a tone that froze the young man's heart. "It will only dely the _inevitable_ truth that you must personally deliver. So out with it."

"Oh, boy." Beads of sweat began to form on his face, and he looked to his old friend for support. "Shepard, any way you could pull me out of a pinch here?"

"Sorry, Joker, but my hands are tied. You're on your own."

"Aw, hell, n-"

"No, Jeff is not," came the clinical voice of the woman Joker come to understand in the past few moments. "I was the instigator of every wrongdoing that he was involved in. Beginning with my aggressive manner of persuading him into pursuing intimate contact with me, to the exposition of our feelings towards one another in the crew quarters, leading up to the medbay where we told Doctor Chakwas that her attention was needed elsewhere, and ending in the AI Core where, where Jeff and I..." There was a short pause, and all three looked eagerly at the glowing blue sphere as she selected the proper word for the meaning. "...where we consummated our feelings."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Joker..."

"Did... did you actually..."

"No, dammit, I did _not_ do what you think I did! She was talking metaphorically; in plain English, we _kissed_. Yeah, it's hard to believe, and explaining the rest of the stuff would take much longer, but EDI and poor, crippled me basically Frenched each other to kingdom come." Joker winced slightly at his ribs, which reminded him that it was sore with every deep breath he took. "**Happy**?"

Both the Commander and the doctor looked down sheepishly, with the former rubbing his scalp and the latter fiddling with her pen. Sighing, he closed his eyes and muttered something unintelligible, putting his one good hand and arm on his stomach. When no one else spoke, the AI took this time to press her point. "I surmise to you that I am completely to blame and take the full responsibility for whatever moral and/or material damage has been done."

"Aw, EDI, you can't be-"

"Shepard, EDI isn't to blame here," chimed in a female quarian that just passed through the doorway.

"Hey, why is everyone suddenly _trying_ to cut me off whenever I try to-"

"What do you mean, Tali?"

"I mean that the ship's systems were attacked by a virus during our probing of the nearby planet."

"Oh, okay, so now you guys aren't even gonna let me finish my sent-"

"But what sort of virus attacks a ship through a mineral probe?"

"That's actually a very good question, Doctor Chakwas. You see, airborn nano-machines floating in the planet's ionosphere-"

"Hey, is that a _naked volus_?"

"-attach themselves to the... Huh?"

"Where?"

"How is that even _possible_?"

"Hehe," Joker grinned to the three flustered individuals around him. "Gets them everytime."

**--- Loading Epilogue...  
--- All Paragon and Renegade Interrupts and no play makes Jeff a bitter boy.  
--- ...**

Several hours later, and after Chakwas reluctantly allowed him to leave with the advice of checking back with her everyday, Joker could be seen back in his favorite leather chair in the cockpit, overlooking the stars fly by as they flew between relays. The entire ship was relatively quiet; except for the few that were assigned the graveyard shift, and even those people hardly made a noise, everyone else retreated to their respective quarters. Joker went about his normal routine of checking the status of the Normandy's systems. Now, though, there was more to do: after EDI's virus attack and reckless usage of several vital ship functions in that state, the pilot had his work cut out for him.

Not that he complained. After what happened earlier that day, he needed to take his mind off of those events. He felt a little hurt, a little embarassed, a little guilty, and even angry at himself. 'I mean, I did take advantage of a mind-altered woman, in a way. Though she kinda reciprocated.' He sighed. Everything that happened, from the tender moments to the adorable moments, was a lie. It was just the virus, the pilot thought to himself over and over. Even EDI stayed silent during the rest of the trip, showing that neither wanted to press the issue.

'Man, the more I think about it, the more I feel like an idiot,' he thought to himself, reclining into his seat and exhaling deeply. 'I wish I handled that better. But I didn't, and now I have no idea what's gonna happen.'

"Jeff?"

He blinked. "EDI?" he replied. "What's up?"

"If it is alright with you, may we discuss the events that transpired between us?"

Joker groaned. 'Oh, great. I guess it would come up eventually.' The pilot straightened himself up and faced the AI's avatar. "What about it?"

There was a short pause before she replied. "I would like to apologize to you," she stated in a voice that Joker couldn't tell whether she was her usual calm self, or if there was a hint of something else.

"Tali already cleared you on that problem," he said while waving his hand dismissively. "There's no need for you to take the blame of something you couldn't control."

"It was still I who did those things, Jeff," she insisted. "Regardless of a virus or any other factor that diminishes control over my actions, there were still things I could have done to prevent those events from happening. I could also have taken the proper precautions while launching probes into unknown planets."

"Eh, what's done is done, you know? It's all in the past. Really, it's no big deal-"

"It is of significance to _me_," EDI interrupted him, causing the pilot to blink in surprise. "Jeff, I hurt you, physically and emotionally. I teased you and even manipulated you. I would never wish anything ill happen to you, and yet that is what you endured by my actions, influenced or otherwise." Joker silently watched the avatar, its eye lowering to stare at the ground. "When, when you are in pain, I too am in pain... you know?"

He gasped. It seemed to require a more conscious effort now, but the AI had used a figure of speech similar to when she was stricken by the virus. "You, you just-"

"I know, Jeff. I have in fact wanted to speak to you in the manner that I did before, but always reasoned against it. There were few things I had said and done that I did not previously wish to say, or do, in front of you. This is why I am so angry at myself. It took a mind-altering and emotion-amplifying bug in my system for me to finally have the will to share with you, to share what I felt... for, for you."

Joker was stunned. He didn't see this coming. "So, you mean to tell me, that everything you said back then... that was real?" His eyes softened, hoping for something his better judgement urged him not to hope for.

EDI slowly returned her gaze toward him. "I... yes, Jeff. Everything. I did not lie about claiming I was more than attracted to you. I did not lie about my reasons for caring for you. I did not lie when I said I... when I said I..." Her eye closed, and the hologram flickered in and out as she struggled to find the same strength as before. "When I said that I love you."

"EDI..."

"I, I meant every single word, Jeff," she said in a volume barely over a whisper. "When I said I wanted to be by your side, holding you close to me, I meant it. When I said that I chose you as my master, _I meant it_. Do you... get it, Jeff? I was yours, even before today. I _am_ yours."

"Oh, EDI."

"I, I love you so much, Jeff. I can feel now, and I thank you for it."

For the second time in his life, Joker Moreau found his place. He smiled warmly at the flickering avatar, placing his fingers over its head and stroking it as his woman softly cried out in joy. "I'm with you, EDI."

"...I'm with you, too, Jeff."

_fin_

Post-Body

Oh my god, the behemoth is **complete**! I mean, damn... I have never written something _this_ long in a looong time. I can't believe how much I actually put into this one chapter. Huh.

Well, one reason would be that I said this story would only have two halves. I couldn't well say, "Oh, it's too long, I'll just add a _third half_." Not smart. Also, I maybe strayed from my original plotline somewhere along the story. A lot.

I like it, though. I like how it's got both Romance and Humor without sacrificing either one (though I did kind of sacrifice brevity in a big way). Although, I still don't feel satisfied with it. When the third and (hopefully not) final chapter comes out, I'll make sure to polish it extra-squeaky.

Oh, must be stated: The one-liner about the naked volus? Yeah, awesome, right? Unfortunately, I can take no credit for it; the joke belongs to the brilliant comic mind of Lord Mandalore, from his work "Slim Chance of Success". If you haven't yet, check it out. It'll rock your world.


End file.
